Why driving in Boston sucks

Oh. My. God.

I went into work briefly today (Saturday) to run some updates to the database we use. When I left, my handy GPS – which is a necessity to driving survival in Boston – promptly proceeded to direct me home. Let’s discuss this, shall we?

First, it takes me through a brief patch of East Boston and tells me to make a sharp right onto a highway (State Highway 1A). What it really meant was, “Turn right, crossing over four lanes of traffic coming into a [expletive deleted] toll booth!  It’s okay, it’s perfectly logical. And safe!”

Porter Street

I mean, WHERE do you just come to a stop sign and turn onto a major highway into a toll booth? Oh, the city shitty of Boston, that’s where.

Ok, so I paid the $3.50 toll and proceeded into the tunnel, which has double lines running the entire length of the tunnel. Immediately upon exiting the tunnel (immediately after the double lines end), you veer left to exit the highway – because you need to be going south. Only you can’t go south without going north first.

So, it directed me off the highway. I’ll try to explain this as well as I can:


I exit the highway and stop at a light. See that big red circle? That’s THREE intersections converging into one street, each with lights and heavy traffic. After sitting through three light cycles, I was finally able to move past that… only to make a left, another left, and come right back to where I was originally, in order to head south.

Seriously?  This is the most logical way for people in East Boston to go south on the interstate?  Really, Boston?  REALLY?!??  How about letting people simply make a fucking U-turn back onto the south-bound entrance ramp?

So, I am finally headed south, take my exit, and as is usual in Boston get stopped roughly every 5 feet for yet another traffic light. There’s a kind, gentle looking woman in a Volvo station wagon behind me… and every f’ing time the red light turns green, she immediately honks her horn.

Now, that’s not unusual in Boston. People are impatient. Fine. But she was apparently going to the same neighborhood I was and therefore did it no less than 5 times. At that point, I was threatening to get out of my car and make her eat that raggedy ass Volvo station wagon.

And while I’m in full-on complaining mode, let’s discuss the state of the roads. I am aware that it snows in Boston quite a lot and I’m also aware that the traffic and plows and ice and, I don’t know, weight of the world, travel these roads and they take a beating.

But seriously, IF you’re going to patch the roads, how about doing it well? I did not buy a Hyundai Elantra so I could go four-wheeling through the stupid ass city of Boston.

I am just apoplectic. One would think that with the level of education available here, someone in this city – nay, this state – would do something to recruit some engineers who wouldn’t just fuck everything up.  YOU’VE HAD 384 YEARS TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, BOSTON. THREE HUNDRED EIGHTY-FOUR YEARS!!!!

Ok, I’m done. I may just take public transit and go have a beer.

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